Author Archives: anndeecanndee

About anndeecanndee

I write books. Sometimes. Mostly I just throw up words.

I just in this very moment remembered it’s my day to blog.

I am so forgetful, it’s a wonder I have clothes on.

Today I am going to talk about why writing keeps me alive.

One day I started bawling at church. I was single at the time, the lesson in the class was pushing all my emotional buttons and in the middle of the discussion, I made a comment, my voice wobbled and then I lost it.

I walked out. With everyone watching.

I didn’t want to go home because I lived with my three best friends who were going to ask me questions and try to comfort me and maybe make me express myself to them. So I got in my car and I drove to school where I was a graduate student. I went down to the computer station, sat on hard chair and then really really bawled my face off.

Once that was out of my system, I stared at the computer.

And then I started writing.

I didn’t write anything pretty. I didn’t write anything deep. I didn’t write anything worth saving. But I did write and write and write and write and write. And you know what, I felt better. And I figured a couple things out.

After a couple hours of that along with more crying and laying on the floor staring at the ceiling, I felt like I was ready to face the world. Or at least, talk to someone out loud.

I went home.

They were waiting.

They had called my sister.

“Where do you think she is?” they’d asked her.

She said, “she probably somewhere writing an essay.”

At first that made me mad because that was EXACTLY what I was doing though I wouldn’t call it an essay. But then I realized, if writing helps me cope with my emotions and helps me work things out and allows me to not start smoking or drinking, then writing was the best thing that every happened to me whether I ever got published or not.

I hold onto that.

3 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Olive Garden reading on Thursday . . .

This from Carol: UT friends–dinner at the Olive Garden, 7 pm, September 11. That’s this Thursday. Come with 100-250 words to read. We’ve done this a few times and it’s always fun. I might bring a karaoke machine. I might just sing to you. I might just sing your writing. Hope to see you there!

This from me: Alfredo! 

This from Anne Lamott: What a miracle it is that out of these small, flat, rigid squares of paper unfolds world after world after world, worlds that sing to you, comfort and quiet or excite you. Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave. They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die.

Come learn how to live and die! 

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

OG

  1. We shall try for Olive Garden in Provo on Thursday, September 11th at 7:00? Bring a page of writing to share (double spaced). This is a great opportunity to eat loads of butter and carbs and then stand up and practice doing a reading (something that everyone should do! It’s scary and exciting and we all love you so it won’t hurt). 
  2. In October I think we should do some writing 5Ks, 10Ks and half marathons to prepare for Nanowrimo. More details to come. 
  3. And finally, goals. Like Carol said, with the new school year and the seasons changing, it’s a perfect time to rethink your goals and set your intention. What do you want to accomplish by the end of the year? What habits do you want to shake? What habits do you want to start? Who do you need to love more? Who do you need to love less (stop stalking people Carol)? Write down your goals and then think and pray about them every day. Put them in front of you and then make them a part of your life.

That’s all for this lovely Tuesday when all the outdoor pools are closed and there is a smallish nip in the air. May you have a wonderful day and a happy week.

Love and Candy,

Ann Dee

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

I wish I had a peach tree. Or maybe just a peach.

Today in the early morning I was on a walk with my baby boy on my back.

We saw a peach fallen from someone’s tree.

I wanted to eat it.

I also wanted the lady who owned the house to come out in a house dress and curlers and blue lips, screaming and threatening to cast a spell on me if I took one teeny tiny bite. 

I wanted the spell to horrible. 

I wanted to plead with her that I thought she wouldn’t mind. That I hadn’t eaten for days. That the other baby in my belly was a girl and I’d heard that girls need peaches to come out sweet.

I wanted the lady to tell me that her peaches were made of tears and heartbreak and molasses and anyone who ate them would have a life of sadness and misery and only crumbles of joy.

I wanted to hold the peach to my lips and watch as her hand trembled.

I wanted to open my mouth and feel the fur on my tongue, taste the nothing of the peel and imagine the juice that would spray once I bit. 

I wanted her to cry. Don’t do it.

Don’t do it.

Don’t do it.

And then I wanted to . . . 

 

What would you do? What would your MC do? And what would happen afterwards? And what if a semi-truck came along right then and splashed mud and water all over the both of you and she shrunk into a puddle of green and you grew into a Christmas tree with a baby in your belly and baby on your back and every year people would come decorate you and tell the tale of the woman and her two babies who dared to almost eat the peach from the evil woman who lived in the house with the curlers and the house dresses and the trembling hand that gave everything away? 

What would you do? 

 

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Dried Cereal

Yesterday, as I was cleaning up yet another unsavory mess, the question came to mind, what is worse, worrying about teenagers getting drunk and having sex? Or stepping in poo and/or pee every day? 

Today is the first day of school for my oldest. He is in second grade, rode his gigantic bike all by himself (with Dad and little brother trailing–I’m a little protective), and decided he wanted to use his dad’s old messenger bag instead of a backpack. I love him. And I can’t believe he is this old. And not pooing on the carpet. Or etching his name in our van (and if you know his name, you will know why this was pretty bad). 

I go from moments of utter overwhelming-want to scream-chaos, to feelings of nostalgia and sadness that these boys are growing up faster than I have time to breathe. 

Sometimes I feel like I never get ahead. I never get anything done. I never write enough. I’m never becoming the person I could become because I’m too busy scraping dried banana off the floor. Or stopping fights. Or beating myself up for yelling. Or eating chocolate chips with peanut butter in my closet.

What if I could be a prolific, famous, influential writer holed up in a beach house on the Oregon coast, creating poetry and music that could change the world if I only had time? Or what if I could be traveling to Egypt or India or Africa and learning and saving and teaching and  becoming a wise and traveled soul full of memoir-material If I didn’t have this house and these responsibilities and this kitchen floor? Or what if I could be a full time professor, immersed in study and reading and writing and talking and going to lunch and flying away to Rome on sabbatical and changing young minds if only there was no laundry? 

One of my favorite books is the Bell Jar. I love it because I related to it as a young women and in some ways, I relate now. She has all these things in front of her: jobs, more school, boyfriends. How to choose? How to make decisions that will forever shape the rest of our lives? I think YA lit if full of these kinds of questions. Maybe all lit. is. Who are we? Who do we want to become? How do we know what we want to become? And what if it’s the wrong choice? Is there a wrong choice? And how do we find joy right where we are? And if we can’t find joy right where we are, what do we do about it? 

I am tired often. I have a lot of kids and I have one more coming. Sometimes I do find myself wondering. Wishing. Maybe even envying. But at the end of the day, I know down in my intestines, that this is a good place for me. That seeing him ride off on his bike, my heart breaking but also soaring just a little bit, is what I’m supposed to be doing right now. I will keep writing. I will keep thinking about these pretend people and their decisions and their heart-breaks and their triumphs and I will keep scraping rice Chex off the floor. 

Because that’s who I am right now. 

3 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Mad Mystery

Dear Everyone,

Happy Tuesday. Today I hope I get in some real clothes that can fit over my belly. I also hope that I write something. And I hope to make something for dinner other than quesadillas.

The other day I checked out a mystery at the library that SEVERAL people had recommended. I read it. Fast. The premise was intriguing from the start–an old unsolved mystery that comes back up because a new murder has occurred in the same spot. The lure of TWO murder mysteries, one old and storied, one new and present, was a very big draw for me. I don’t usually read a lot of mysteries but I wanted something that would pull me in and keep me reading (I’ve been putting down a lot of books lately).

Well, I finished it and . . . the author only solved one of the mysteries. The new one. Not the old, most compelling one. In fact, throughout the entire novel, she had the MC remember more and more details about the old mystery, dangling these scenes and these memories seemingly moving toward some kind of answer and then . . . NOTHING.

I was so frustrated.

I really was.

And I am all for not tying things up in a bow but in a murder mystery isn’t there some kind of rule that you must umm, solve the mystery? Isn’t that part of the contract with the reader? This was a more literary adult mystery so maybe you can break that rule but I have to say, I was left unsatisfied. And bugged.

So you mystery writers, what do you think? Do you have to solve the mystery? When can you break the rules? How forgiving do you expect your reader to be? Do you have examples of other mysteries that do this and it didn’t make you mad? The writing was good, btw. And she did answer the one mystery but not the one that was far more intriguing and pretty much unsolvable (which is what made it so frustrating that she didn’t solve it! Like I can write a crazy murder premise with weird sounds and blood and scratch marks and all kinds of spooky stuff if I don’t have to actually say why all those things are happening).

Sometimes I think I’d like to write a mystery, a really good one but I recognize how very very difficult it is.

That’s all for today! Hope you get some good quesadillas for dinner

xoxox

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

The Giant Waterbug

Here is a figure of speech quiz:

Define the following

1. Metonymy

2. Synecdoche

3. Personification

4. Metaphor

5. Simile

6. Hyperbole

7.Oxymoron

8. Pun

Do you use these in your writing? Does it come naturally? Or not so much?

Now read this.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized