Monday, Monday

Valentine’s Day I watched several movies with three of my beautiful daughters, two stinky dogs and my mom.

One is the movie/documentary Dear Zachary.

You all should watch this.

All of you.

It’s hard. It’s sad. I woke up at 3:30 and couldn’t sleep because of what I’d watched.

I think it’s best to watch the show (free on Netflix) and then go to this website, so you can see the way the story, this terrible story, unfolds.

I hope you are changed forever.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1202867-dear_zachary/

Official website

http://dearzachary.com/

 

When I was about ten or so, my cousin was murdered. Shot to death. She was in her early twenties.

I hope I never forget her funeral.

How my namesake (Aunt Carol) grieved in such a heartbroken way.

How I stood in the sun unable to speak–numb–and how, at a different graveside someone played Taps and my mother broke down.

How later, much later, a student of my mother’s turned out to be the killer’s cousin.

 

My newest book is a murder mystery.

I’ve always viewed this memory in a distant way because it was just so awful.

Now, maybe, I’ll be able to look at the horrible way people treat one another. But I will never understand any of it.

 

Never.

 

 

Dreary Monday

However, I’m excited! Today will be my first day writing in my brand new office chair.

With a ten year warranty.

I can now say Books Written BC and AC.

 

Yesterday was my birthday.

My girls gave me this new chair, a container of sand from FL and a PERFECT shell found in the ocean, an expensive pillow, a sweet trinket, lamp shades for some rockin’ garage sales lamps I found a few years back (3 bucks a piece), and something that may arrive today.

I didn’t ask for the chair, which I needed most of all.

They could see what the old one had done to me, physically. And they heard about it. Finally I pulled in a kitchen chair, but the damage was already done.

Saturday night they surprised me with this gift.

 

Here’s what most important about this. Now in control of their gift-giving (and they have been for years), they paid attention and got me something that I needed.

 

While I am so grateful to be divorced, it’s hard to not have a partner, to always carry the burden. I’m always worried about money, about my children, about my friends, about deadlines.

And I’m lonely, sad, overworked and underpaid, lots of times heartbroken. The feel-sorry-for-myself-list goes on forever. I would have never purchased this for myself.

(It’s so huge and comfortable and soft. AND leather!)

 

I haven’t been this touched by a gift in, maybe, forever.

People listened to me with their hearts.

My girls did.

After they gave me the chair, I felt a little less lonely.

 

I could relate this to writing and talk about what’s important to your character and how does she feel now and how is she changed. I could ask about her family and her relationships and ask what does she need. But I’m not going to. I’m going to say I’m changed because my girls listened and because this gift showed me they love me. I’ve kinda needed this.

 

Thank you Carolina, Elise, Laura, Kyra and Caitlynne.

Thank you for caring.