Pants.

Lately I’ve been a little sensitive about my size. I am a pregnant lady, no doubt about it. And this is my third time being a pregnant lady so I should be used to it by now.

Right?

Every day last week, every day, sometimes twice in a day, someone has made a comment about my body.

“Whoa! Are you having twins?”

“Holy cow. Any day now, right?”

“Oh my, you are gigantic. Does it hurt to walk?”

One lady in church, across a crowded room said, “Oh my gosh, Ann Dee! You are huge! When is that baby coming?”

I sort of flipped out right then.

TWO MONTHS! I yelled. TWO MONTHS!! ( the whole room staring at me now). AND IT’S NOT TWINS! I added, for effect.

She nodded. Okay. Okay, she said, obviously scared.

I turned, my head held high, and waddled out of the room.

In the car I told my husband about it.

I may have over-reacted a few minutes ago, I said. About a comment someone made about my belly.

You? Over-react? Never, he said.

Ha ha ha.

The day before we had been out raking up leaves, getting ready for spring. I’d leaned over to pick up a pile and my pants split.  My only comfortable semi-wearable (and admittedly three pregnancies-old and perhaps worn a few too many days in a row) maternity cargo pants. Split.

I gasped.

Cam and the boys looked at me. What? Cam said.

Look,I said, showing him the hole.

What?

LOOK!

You just did that?

Yes, I just did that.

Then he started laughing. LAUGHING.

You’re laughing?

Uh huh, he said.

You. Are. Laughing.

He nodded. Kept raking. Why would you wear those pants to do yard work anyway? You should have changed into sweats or something.

The boys were staring at the hole in my pants and I was seething.

Later. When we’d moved to the front yard, I said, sweat pants?

What?

Sweat pants.

What?

That’s what you say when your pregnant wife has an extremely dramatic event happen to her.

Extremely dramatic event?

Extremely.

What did you want me to say?

Maybe something like, oh I’m so sorry. Or, it doesn’t matter. It was probably just the way you bent over. Something, you know sympathetic. Why do you have to always respond to me like a man?

He looked at me. Why did you split your pants like a man?

Let’s all take a moment to think about this question.

What does this have to do with writing? Nothing. So why am I writing it? I don’t know.  Did I start laughing after he said this? yes. Do I think I’m a little irrational and overly-dramatic? Maybe. Does that make me a better writer? Probably not. I just wanted to warn anyone who may see me in the next eight weeks . . . beware and whatever I say, don’t take it personally. I’m not responsible.

xo.

P.S. Who wants a writing marathon?

Postedit: I have to say, I’ve been feeling bad about making my husband seem like some kind of beast. He’s not. A beast. We’d been having a laughy day and this incident (though I’m sure the writing doesn’t show it) was pretty funny. Cam knows me well enough to not make a comment like that if I’m on the verge of tears or if he knows I am really feeling sad. On another day, splitting my pants probably would have brought tears but on that day, it was just one more thing. This is probably the type of story I should tell in person rather than write on the internet. Or maybe not tell at all. Sometimes I can’t help myself.

19 Comments

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19 responses to “Pants.

  1. Haha 🙂 I laughed out loud reading this. I have never been pregnant, but I know it can be tough, and I greatly admire you. Hold on, its almost over!

    Sarah Allen
    (my creative writing blog)

  2. this reminded me 100% of being pregnant with my girls. i knew i was showing a lot (where else is the baby to go when you’re short but OUT FRONT), but why do people feel the need to mention how much? not only in the last week of pregnancy, either, but like you said – months ahead of time.

    i feel your pain.
    and i’m glad he eventually did make you laugh.

    and the thing is, when i saw you last, you thought you were showing a ton, but i thought you seriously looked fabulous and so cute and i wished i looked as good as you while pregnant. so, i’m guessing that’s still the case, but it’s hard – no, impossible – to see it when your body is the one stretching.

    and btw, i also had someone ask me when my baby was due… a month after i’d had her.
    differently yet equally depressing.

    and i need a marathon because you know that goal i’m trying to reach…

  3. Seven months? Already? From Behind you don’t look pregnant at all and from the front, five months at best. Pants with rips are breezy, perfect for these spring days that are all of a sudden hot. Sweat pants? A pox on them.

  4. Kim

    I got those kinds of comments all the time when I was pregnant. And when I told them I wasn’t having twins they looked at me like I was delusional. My sisters and cousins get those comments, too. I don’t understand why anyone thinks it’s okay to talk to pregnant woman that way. Hang in there.

  5. Ann Dee, you don’t even look pregnant.(Inside June joke, yes I stil remember, and so do you.) And besides, at least we know you’ll never show up on one of those weird cable channel shows with titles like, “I didn’t know I was pregnant until the baby popped out on the kitchen floor.” or “I went to the hospital with a tummy-ache and came home with a baby.”

    You’re SOOO tiny, Ann Dee. That baby has nowhere to hide, honey. I will admit that numerous times a day my husband had to get after me for saying I was fat. He would say, PREGNANT – not fat. And the whole, carrying my baby and beautiful and blah blah blah bloated and miserable.

    I hope your time goes quickly. And as one who occassionally says stupid things to people, I hope people will stay their mouths regarding your body.

    • I am always fascinated by those stories. How can they hide it? I could never ever ever hide it. And, when they say they didn’t know they were pregnant . . . errrrrrrrrr.

      It is hard to get perspective but it’s true. I am lucky to be pregnant and it’s all worth it. I’m not fat, just pregnant pregnant pregnant.

  6. Elizabeth

    Bummer about the busted pants! Er, you know what I mean. 🙂 I remember the joys of being pregnant. When I had my son, I left the hospital weighing the same as when I went in! Fortunately, that was temporary. Anyway, I would LOVE a writing marathon. I need a swift kick in the writing brain!

  7. Good for you for laughing about your split pants. I would’ve cried.

    When I was pregnant with my fourth, I remember one morning I was helping my toddler get dressed and I was sweating. SWEATING people. I was just sitting on the floor holding pants out for my toddler. I cried.

    So don’t feel bad. We all have those horrific pregnancy breakdowns. The beauty is that someday (soon, in your case) it’ll all be over. And I guess I don’t have to tell you (this being your third) that it’s sort of worth it.

  8. Andrea

    Can I just say how much I adore your writing style? This story made me laugh.

    I’m normally a pretty mellow person, but when I’m pregnant I get this urge to punch people sometimes. Or even karate chop them. Especially strange men who think it’s okay to pat my belly. (What is it with those people?) I don’t actually follow through on my violent urges, mainly because I would look ridiculous and I’d probably pull a muscle. But pregnancy makes me one feisty woman.

    And yes, please, on the writing marathon. I need an extra push to get through the hard parts so I have something halfway decent to work with when I go to WIFYR.

    • I always want to punch people in the face–but mostly when I’m pregnant. But yes, it would not be pretty. At all.

      I think we should have a couple marathons leading up to the big conference.

  9. Carol

    You do look big.
    It’s cause you are little. And when we see you we can’t help but be surprised. And I don’t mean to say wow wow wowie. I just remember being big and hating it. There was only one comfortable month when I was pregnant.
    Now I have fat.
    So there.

  10. Pregnancy comments are like the one thing in this world that makes me want to be a mean, mean, meanie right back at them. I want to have snarky comments ready in my arsenal.
    “Oh, really. Well your double chin is looking mighty full today. Did you overfeed it?” or “Oh I’m not due for another two months. When are YOU due?” (pointed look down at their poochy belly) or “I stuffed a pillow under there today. Because I just love it when people tell me I look like a whale.”
    Seriously people. You wouldn’t tell a fat person they’re huge. But you’ll say it to a woman who is hormonal and probably SOO done with pregnancy???

    🙂 Anyway. Done with my rant. I’m sorry about all the comments!

    And I think we should totally have another marathon. 🙂

  11. I’m so sorry, on both accounts. Yeah, after the first two pregnancies, your body knows just what to do (stretch out) and gets to it fast. But don’t worry, recovery is fast, too. And thank you for speaking out, even if it was at church. People need to know that if you wouldn’t make a negative comment about a non-pregnant woman’s body, what the heck are you doing messing with someone who is sleep-deprived, achy, hauling toddlers, and hormonal??? Hang in there. We’re pulling for you.

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