Several Things that are Not Related and My Anxiety

A. I had it again last night.

The panic that made me think I was going to have a heart attack.

Or else it was the pre-stuff before a heart attack. Did you know that women (not just paranoid women) sometimes KNOW they are going to have something bad happen to them a few weeks before the attack? Well, that’s true according to something I read. Do you know how many heart attacks I’ve been going to have the last couple of years? A danged lot.

Thank you, Mr. Anxiety. I love you, too.

B. I met some AMAZING people this last weekend (when I should have been moving).

Lucinda was there, of course, and wonderful Neysa Jensen who is an excellent hostess, so laid back and fun and such a pleasure to be with. I met Judy Cox a terrific picture book writer and Sydney Salter (she has a new agent) and then there was Jennifer Rofé, agent from Andrea Brown Literary Agency, too. She was terrific (they seem to be pretty darn good agents at ABA!), funny, lively and smart. I enjoyed talking to her. While at the final dinner, it was pointed out to me that my four-way sweatshirt is even more multipurpose than just its incredible fashion versatility. Why, this sweatshirt has helped me moved, write many novels, clean, make dinner, drive people here and there AND I very nearly used the sweatshirt in my talk but I forgot it. I loved realizing this with the help of a friend.

C. If you have spring allergies, do not drink milk.

D. Yogurt is a milk product.

E. I had a dream last night made me happy. I was at a party. I’m not sure where I was, but lots of my friends were there including Chris Crowe (who’s still in England) and Alex Henry (who lives in Louisiana). This was a writer’s party/now that I think of it maybe it was a conference, but whatever, it somehow evolved into a dance party. Poor Alex was going to have to dance with me because I was making him. Someone turned on Michael Jackson and when I opened my eyes in the morning, I was smiling.

F. I’ve kind of been evaluating my life a little this morning and I think that there are these way important parts of it. A sort-of important part (pretty darn important, actually) is my writing. As some of you know, I’m a complainer and I’ve felt, lately, I’ve had reason to complain. Somehow, with all that was going on, I’ve managed to write. Just remember, we make time for what is important to us. If you want to write, if it means something to you, you write. And attending all the writing conferences in the world won’t help you if you don’t put pen to paper.

G. My anxiety works hard to keep away the good parts of my life. I hope I can fight it.

H. It’s raining. How can I move stuff when it’s raining?


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4 responses to “Several Things that are Not Related and My Anxiety

  1. Alex Henry

    First off, Carol, I’d dance with you any-day, any-time! You are a sweetheart, and I wish I had magic powers to zap away these nasty panic attacks, but unfortunately I don’t.

    What I do have is my love, friendship, and great respect for you, Carol.

    Know that you are loved.

    Together we can dance our anxieties away!

    All my love 🙂

  2. Yes, I was there.
    And how lucky for me.
    Cuz you were there, too.

  3. F. i am a grand writing conference attender and not so grand pen to paper worker. but…i’ve been evaluating my life too. kind of had a series of epiphanies over the last few months. it’s been good. i’m a slow writer right now, and i’m learning to be okay with that. i’m learning, too, to make sure that i do get that writing in. favorite part of your message:

    “If you want to write, if it means something to you, you write.”

    thank you.

    (and i hope the move goes/went well. is rain or snow better for moving? i haven’t decided…we had to move once the day after a snow storm. our feet were calf-deep in snow and freezing cold. but our boxes were dry. i’ll wish some sun over to you.)


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