Fall in love and stay in love. Write only what you love, and love what you write. The key word is love. You have to get up in the morning and write something you love, something to live for.
Some days, I lay in bed and think, can I do this? Can I do this today? Maybe I nursed the baby a half hour earlier and my three year old is yelling he wet the bed. Maybe I just realized I forgot to change the laundry and I can already smell the mildew. Maybe my head is still pounding from the headache the night before.
Can I do this?
You know those paintings? The ones with the dots. I like those. I like the little pieces to a great big beautiful whole.
Last night, I stood on my back deck that has melted crayons and corn husk and an apple juice carton. I stood there and watched the rain. Did you know that I am in charge of three people. I’m in a novel and I have three boys and a husband and we live in this house with weeds and grapes and scooters on the sidewalk and some days I sit on chairs and some days I run. And my shirt always has applesauce on it.
Did you know that a few years ago it was just me. I was a girl. I went to work. I went to school. And it was just me. I thought, what is going to happen to me? Who am I supposed to be?
Now this. I couldn’t have imagined how beautiful. all those dots.
Fall in love and stay in love. Write only what you love and love what you write.
Things go by me slowly and I step outside and I see myself. I see myself pushing the three year old on the tricycle with my foot as I hold the baby. I see myself eating a popsicle with three half-naked kids on our peeling front porch with an overgrown lawn. I see myself sneaking chocolate chips when no one is watching. I see myself.
Do I write something I love, something to live for? Do I? Is this a part of my heart, who I am, what I want? Why am I writing? Why am I taking the time when I could be sleeping. Or laying. Or laughing. Or eating. Or reading. Or watching. Or swimming. Or kissing. Or doing anything else.
The keyword is love. You have to get up in the morning and write something you love, something to live for.
Do you do that?
Write something you love, something to live for.
3 responses to “Ray”
Thank you. With five little kids and an overgrown lawn and applesauce on my shirt and a novel I don’t always get around to, I needed that.
I love lamp.
I just bought more chocolate chips. For my kids whole wheat zucchini muffins that I make. Because it’s whole wheat and zucchini, they need chocolate chips. I didn’t use to make muffins, or do a lot of the things I’m doing right now. Right now is a window, one that I look through and see myself being a mom and wife who makes dinners and lunches and cleans the house, and drives kids everywhere. Too bad about windows. You just start falling in love with the scenery outside when all of a sudden the seasons change. And some seasons you don’t even want to turn your head towards the window.
Beautiful post, Ann Dee.