A funny thing happened on the way to last week’s blog. Last Wednesday, you will recall, was Carol Lunch Williams’ birthday, an event celebrated by smart literary folk all over the world. Because I knew she would get universal coverage and attention, I chose not to pen a paen to Carol Lunch Williams because it would have been overkill. Well, that and because Carol loathes any kind of attention.
So, anyway, I think I was blogjacked last week. Or wordhacked. Or textnapped or something because the beautiful, brilliant blog I composed and sent to the blogmistresses Carol and Andy was obviously intercepted by one of Carol’s fanatical, passionate but probably perverted groupies. At least, I think that’s what happened.
The two of you who read this blighted blog may not have noticed the subtle change in my blog text and voice; in fact, I barely noticed it myself. Quite accidentally, I happened onto a top-secret CIA textual analysis program that resides on the internet: Wordle. Wordle is a groovy little program that can take a dumpload of text and analyze the word frequency in the overall content. The textual report is displayed as a “word cloud” that presents the key words from a text according to their frequency. The more often a word appears in the text, the larger it is presented in the word cloud. It looked like a cool gizmo, so I thought I’d cut and paste the first chunk of last week’s blog into Wordle and see what the analysis looked like. Here it is:
OK, both of you now, put on your CIA thinking cap and take a careful look at this word cloud. What word is most prominent? Which is next most prominent? Clearly, last week’s blog was the work of a fanatical, passionate but probably perverted groupie who has an intense but abnormal fixation on Carol Lunch Williams. I have no way of knowing anything about the warped crazy who blogjacked me last week, but I have CIA-worthy Wordle evidence of their inordinate, unbalanced, scary fascination with Carol Lunch Williams and her birthday. Further examination of the word cloud indicates that this deranged groupie is also hung up on Andy Ellis, though to a slightly lesser degree. Of course, it wasn’t Andy’s birthday last week, hence this nutjob had no reason to pilfer my blog and so he/she could publish piles of passionate palaver about Andy in its stead.
OK, I know what the two of you are thinking. “What did Chris really write last week?” I know, dear readers, both of you, that your lives are so dreary, so absent of anything meaningful, so stultifyingly boring, so vapid and meaningless, that the only glimmers of light in your drab and dreary lives are the regular Celebrity posts that appear on Throwing Up Words. Well, I pity your condition and commend your taste. Anyway, time does not permit me to repost my brilliant blog from last week, but I am able to reprint the Wordle analysis of my blogjacked post. You’ll see immediately that I wrote about my favorite subject, a subject that I’m sure the two of you are equally as interested in: