. . .
A crisis of life?
I’m wandering on the edge of something.
Not a life crisis. . . Just a whole . . . World of crises even tho I’m not really having a crisis.
I think I need antidepressants.
Can you believe I’m posting this crap online?
Four years ago I went through something (or more like witnessed something) that’s changed me. Probably forever.
I don’t know if it was for the better or for the worse. But it happened. And it seems like it’s still looming over my head like a dark cloud, and has been for four years now.
For two of those years, I was going through an extremely crazy-ass weird phase. I was doing stuff that wasn’t me, I wasn’t sleeping at all, I gave up on a lot of stuff I loved.
It was awful. Every morning was stormy and gray. It literally made me physically ill Every. Day.
I couldn’t even cry. Which was weird.
I never told anyone that.
The only person who really knew was He Who Shall Not Be Named (God? If He was paying attention. At the time I didn’t think He was. Sometimes I still wonder about that Dude…).
I would go to bed Every. Single. Night. And just wonder … WHY?!
Why is the world full of rapists?
Why are babies dying?
Why this why that whywhywhy? (check out the band WHY? They freaking kill it.)
Then one night I was lying in my bed. And I just heard a voice in my head.
It was an angry teen girl.
And she was talking about her mom. Her dead mother. And the boy who doesn’t love her anymore. She was so sad, and so confused, and she didn’t know why either.
The voice came in my head for weeks. Me finding out more and more about this girl.
I should have known what it was but I pushed it away.
But it didn’t go away.
Then I realized …..
I need to write this girl’s grief down on a page. She needs to get out if my head and live!
After a year and a half of her trying to get out of my head, she’s gone.
And now that she’s gone, I feel sad again.
Isn’t that weird?
I guess what I’m trying to say is…. Writing somehow… made me happy. Writing makes me happy.
And I haven’t written in over a month. And I’m down in the dumps again.
Which means the writing drug has to come back!!
To finish this long ass post off….
Writing can help you in more ways than you think.