This Post is About Breaking Up

I have posted this song a lot over the years on this blog. But it’s the best.

I know I was supposed to post yesterday. I didn’t. I still can’t get a hold on Wednesday. It’s just one of those days everyone hates because it’s right in the middle of the week. Although I could be wrong.
So this hasn’t been the best couple weeks. It sort of bums me out to write that, because I was reading the blog last week and thinking “I really want to post something cheerful. Lighten the mood on this dismal dismal page.” {just kidding}
I did want to write something cheerful though. But this post isn’t super cheerful.
My dog died last week. And that was the worst.

Then yesterday Eric and I broke up.
I am single again. And I don’t know what to do with my life now, because I planned it with him. Everything.

I was going to sell my novels and make money at home, he was going to to work and do what he wanted to do. We were going to cook gorgeous dinners for each other and collect horror movies with tons of gore.

I love him so much. And my heart is broken. Which is the most emo thing in the world to say, but it’s true. I can’t even write “Break up” without feeling like crying.

I hope we can fix our problems and get back together, and if we can’t, I hope I can get over this soon. It’s such a horrible feeling. And I’m sure everyone has felt it.
 Mom knows it way more than me. I was only with Eric for two years. That’s like, nothing compared to some people. {I guess when you’re young two years is forever. It felt like forever. Like my whole life}

Does anyone know any cute single guys? {Maybe I should ask John Cusick out? He was cute, and I did have that crush on him by the end of the conference.} Totally joking. {Not about the crush tho. But hush don’t tell anyone}
I really don’t want to be with any other dudes. But does dating again make you feel better? I don’t think so. Because I only want a giant sexy Indian with stupid tattoos and giant holes in his ears.

How does any of this relate to writing?

I really don’t know. The last time I broke up with someone I didn’t even really like him to begin with. Isn’t that horrible? Is everyone in the world supposed to experience a feeling like this? What about those who get hitched to their high school sweethearts?  

Maybe I could write a book about a girl who breaks up with everyone she dates because she wants to get with her high school sweetheart? But she can’t get with him because he’s already married, and has lots of ugly kids.

Gosh, that sounds like a freaking bestseller. Who wouldn’t read that crap?

Actually, I would never read anything like that. It sounds horrible.

Okay, I have nothing else to write about writing. I think I am too heartbroken and sad. And I’m freaking out.

What am I going to do this weekend?
What am I going to do on Eric’s birthday that’s coming up?
Who am I going to go to Wingnuts with?
What about basketball season?

Wow. This has got to be the worst post ever posted on the Throwingupwords blog.

I am sorry guys. I am not funny or witty today. And I have thrown out my lower back. I don’t know how I did that, because I slept on my left arm all night. So none of this makes sense.

I think I am dying. Dying of heartbreak. Apparently that is possible.
Okay. I’m going to stop this. Because I am not a giant needy baby.

Heart pains hurt. But I think I will get over it.

I was going to write a list of some good books with heartbreak, but I can’t find any. Do you guys know of some?



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15 responses to “This Post is About Breaking Up

  1. The only thing I can say is that I know a lot of people (including me and my two daughters) who thought they were with “the one” and it didn’t work out, but they ended up with someone they loved even more–and that new person loved them more, too. Hope this works for you and that you are gloriously happy soon.

    Still sorry about your dog.

    • Kyra

      I hope I am gloriously happy soon, too. And I’m glad I’m not alone in this. Even tho I KNOW i’m not, it’s good to hear that other people know what I’m going through and to hear their story. Or at least a bit of it.

      Thank you for the nice comment. 😀

  2. Oh, sad. I’m so sorry! That’s a horrible feeling to feel…that limbo thing where you’re not sure what’s going to happen next.

    I’ve totally been there. My husband and I called off our engagement at one point. And I was so lost. School was starting soon. Did I need to find an apartment with some friends? What was I going to do? It was such a strange feeling.

    I hope things get better for you! Go see a movie. Hang out with girlfriends. Laugh and cry or whatever you need to do. Maybe it needs to be like how we write a book and we’re supposed to put it away for a month or two? Maybe if you take some space and step back, you’ll be able to see things more clearly? I don’t know. It’s worth a shot. Good luck!

    • Kyra

      Thank you, Erin. Your post made me feel a little bit better. I know that I do need to give it a month or two and see things more clearly. I’m sorry that you and your husband called off your engagement. But I’m glad it worked out in the end. 😀

  3. CLW

    Debbie is wise, Kyra.
    That didn’t happen to me, but I know it does happen to good people. And Debbie and you are both good people. She is proof. And look at Ann Dee, she adores her hubby and he loves her.
    I love you and I am sorry. I think we should write a book together. A series that we sell for three million dollars. Then we can go on tour with Blink and AFI and Elton John and read from our books and dance and even sing. Plus Elton might let you play with him.
    So much love, dear heart.

  4. Kyra, breaking up is the worst. It feels like a part of you is missing and it hurts and even if others have been through it, they haven’t been through it like you have because they aren’t you. I am so so so sorry. My gut aches for you. But it will pass. I had some horrible ones, really horrible breakups and I’m glad now that they happened because Carol’s right, I am so happy now. But blah to that. I know that probably sucks to hear now. xo

    • Kyra

      Ann Dee. I bet your breakup stories are the best stories. Since I laugh at your life every time you tell me something that happens in it. I’m such a bad friend. 😛 And I have to admit, I told the haircut story to a few people {Don’t worry I didn’t mention names. . . } And I still laughed.

      Thank you for the nice comment. You’re so smart. And I’m glad that you’re happy now.

  5. Rebecca Birkin

    Not much makes it hurt less right now, even though we can promise it will get better. Maybe we value love partly because it hurts so much.
    In my case, there was that guy I almost married and didn’t. My hubby is such a better catch, and I love him madly (most days.) The one who dumped me? He’s in jail. Or was, last time I heard. Saw his photo on FB and it gave me shivers. Not in a good way.
    I’m not saying your Eric is anything but wonderful, though, (he has to be–he has a good name!) just that you never know what’s coming. My DH and I broke up and got back together later.

    • Kyra

      I’m glad that you found love again. And that your husband didn’t turn out to be a criminal! ha ha
      Thank you for the comment. It cheered me up a little. And all the comments have helped me realize I just need to tough it out.


  6. Courtney Lowe

    Beautiful girl, I am so, so sorry.

    It’s late and the crazy, cockeyed genius assigned to my case has clocked out for the night, so if this comes out weird, I’m sorry.

    A wiser woman than me once wrote, “If you want to have a sweet life, you’ve gotta have sweet dreams.” (Barbara Kingsolver)

    While I’m not a huge Coldplay fan, I listen to the song “Paradise” often:
    “When she was just a girl
    She expected the world,
    But it flew away from her reach
    And now bullets catch in her teeth.
    Life goes on, it gets so heavy,
    The wheel breaks the butterfly
    Every tear a waterfall,
    In the night, the stormy night, she’ll close her eyes
    In the night, the stormy night, away she flies
    And dreams of paradise.”

    So right now, I hope you close your eyes and still see paradise in whatever shape or form it takes for you. No matter what happens, I hope your dreams are sweet. Be kind to yourself. You deserve a sweet life. Dream of paradise.

    And don’t forget how many people love you, BECAUSE WE DO.

    • Kyra

      Courtney I love you. This comment made me sad {almost misty eyed but not all the way!} But it also made me feel better. You’re the best. Thank you for the nice comment.

  7. breaking up sucks and reading your post reminded me of several of my hardest ones. it’s crazy how that feeling of emptiness and sorrow that takes up your whole insides can come back years later. it did while i read your words. but feeling it also reminded me of all the good that’s filled up in there too. hurting sucks and missing someone sucks and when there’s so much of you tied up in that person you feel lost for awhile. i maybe didn’t do things the best way, but my remedy for feeling lost was to go out and do as many fun things with as many different people as i could. call up the friends i’ve missed hanging out with. accept random dates from guys just to get out of the house. call my sisters to come over and watch a movie and cry with me. fill up my empty, sorrow spots with fun and laughing and new memories. and eventually the fun and laughing and new memories would remind me who i am and show me a new (stronger) me too.

    and now two quick stories:

    my hubs and i started dating after the guy i wanted to marry broke up with me. i was just hanging out with my now-husband to try to forget the hurt. and in the process i found someone who had similar qualities and even better ones. we became friends and then dated and then got married and it’s been nine years and two kids and lots of adventures great.

    my twin sis found the perfect guy. we all loved him and saw how great he was for her. but she wasn’t feeling it. she broke up with him and dated a few others, and then realized that none of them compared to him. they started dating again (because he was still in love with her) and got married and have four boys now. craziness at their house! happy crazy.

    point being: hurt and happy go together and you never know quite how until it happens. i hope you’re feeling the happy soon. hugs to you!

    • Kyra

      “Hurt and happy go together and you never know quite how until it happens.”

      What a great line. And I think I will write it down and look at it every time I’m starting to feel sad. Thank you for the comment. It actually gives me hope that everything will work out someday!


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