Warning: Inappropriate discussion to follow. If you do not like potty talk, please do not continue. I’m serious.


Here are some happy things and thoughts that have happened so far this year:

Last night my two older boys (six and four years old) decided they wanted to sleep in the bottom bunk together. Fine. Cute. Whatever.

At three in the morning, four year old was crying. Help me! Help me!

I went in to help him and he had wet the bed. Pee everywhere. Six year old was still asleep. I wondered what I should do. Wake him up? Make him move to the top bunk? Leave him there? I helped four year old get cleaned up and then put him in the top bunk and left the six year old. I knew four year old was going to be embarrassed when six year old found out what had happened. Six year old was sleeping soundly and I didn’t want to move him.

Happy thing that happened: Six year old peed the bed also! Yay!

Later when we were all getting cleaned up (again) we had an in-depth discussion about what was worse, both of them peeing the bed or their baby brother going poo in the tub. We all agreed that poo in the tub was the worst (as a mother, this is my biggest fear when I put baby in the tub).

Then things got a little out of hand: What was worse, poo in the bed and pee in the tub or vice versa? What about poo down your leg or pee down your leg? And so it went for quite a while.

At first my inclination was to stop this bathroom talk. I try not to encourage this kind of thing, of course . . . but then it was quite interesting and we were all laughing so hard I thought I was going to cry. I think this is bad. And good. And happy. And gross. But mostly happy.

I am having a baby boy in a few months. I already have three baby boys. I am so excited. And scared.

I also have been thinking about how visceral our life is right now. There is always crying and screaming and laughing and throwing and running and hugging and climbing and touching and peeing. In beds.

One day, this will all be gone.

I wish i could remember better this part of my life when I was little. When I climbed on my mom or my dad. When we talked about poo and pee. When we laughed so hard we cried.

Sometimes I want life to move faster. I want to have more time to myself. I want more time to write and think and clean and enjoy bites of food and exercise and write. I want to be able to go to the store by myself and maybe the bathroom by myself and I want to go on dates and trips with my husband and family and we don’t take strollers or diapers.

Sometimes I want life to hold still. I want to lay on the floor with legos and books and blocks and tinker toys and so many stuffed animals and three rowdy boys jumping on me and saying inappropriate things. I want them to never grow up. To always want to spend time with me and cling to me and need me. I want them to be small and squishy and just like this, forever.

And sometimes I want to go back. I want everything to be how it used to be. A mom who made me vacuum the stairs and clean the bathrooms every Saturday. Who taught me how to read. How to love. How to study. How to put together a meal. A mom who wore toilet paper around her hair at night so her curls would stay in tact. A mom who read to me in her big huge waterbed the Secret Garden and Ann of Green Gables.

how can I want so many things at the same time?

What do you think is worse? Pee in the bed or poo in the tub? It’s an important question.


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34 responses to “Pee

  1. Rebecca Birkin

    Poo. On the white living room carpet.

  2. Poo is always, always worse. In every situation. Ew.

  3. benschwensch

    AnnDee—thanks for wanting everything at once. This made me laugh, cry, cringe, not to mention think about my mom (who died when I was only 27 and never saw any of her grandchildren), and my grandkids (4 of the 5 of whom lived with us for several years when they were little like this). Now even they are grown up, one married and back from Iraq, one engaged, the 4th about to graduate from high school, the 5th with only a year or two left in high school, all with jobs……..yes, it goes too fast. Glory in the “poo” AND the “pee” while it lasts. And thanks for reminding me. Have to go find some Kleenex now.

    • Isn’t it crazy how our feelings change in a course of a day? And how being a mother and missing a mother and wanting to take a break from being a mother can get so intertwined? I’m so glad your grandkids lived with you. Maybe your great grandkids are next?

      • benschwensch

        Yikes—I HOPE not—though, of course, I’d want to see a lot of them. By that I mean, see all of them, a lot!

  4. ann dee i loved this. thank you for sharing so much of yourself on your blog. it’s one of my favorite things to read. i wish i remembered more of my childhood. makes me want to capture my children’s so they have something to help them remember it. but then i get busy and don’t and then i feel bad but then they want me to play and i feel bad for being on the computer trying to capture a memory instead of making one. bah. being a mom is the hardest and best role ever.

    poo for sure. but then someone mentioned vomit, and i do hate that more.

  5. ps. love the new header.

  6. What’s worse, a kid eating its poo, or a kid eating its sibling’s poo?

    Loved this Ann dee!

  7. Wait, what? Did I catch in there that you are having another baby! Congratulations! I think discussing the merits of pee and poo is an integral part of being a mother. I have had these very conversations with my own children. Also, I can handle my own kids’ pee and poo, but the minute I have to clean up another kid’s pee or poo, I freak out.

    I love this though. The writing is lovely. I love when you write about your mom. Prose becomes poetry.

    • Yeah, what is it about other kids’s poo? So different. And why are they so fascinated by the entire subject? Though, as we all know, everyone does it. It is a universal.

      Thank you, Emily.

  8. Emily W

    I love talking about lee and loop with my kids. We almost always ended up laughing and it is something they think is so funny. Also I think it is hilarious that they both wet the bed!

  9. Tanei

    Since becoming a mother, I have become an excrement expert. Poo in the tub is horrible, however, I am glad it can be cleaned thoroughly. Pee in a mattress…how does it ever get clean again? Blech.

  10. Elizabeth Dimit

    Congrats on having another baby! That is so exciting. My daughter left a trail of poop all over the Relief Society room at church when she was 3. That was lovely.

  11. Poo is worse.

    I live in San Francisco, and yesterday I found out why the escalators at the MUNI stations are often closed.

    Due to POO.

    POO! On/in the escalators!

    I’m never taking the escalator again.

  12. Heather Joy

    Once in RS I saw a baby in the lap of his Mom have such a big poo blowout that it got on the dress of the women sitting next to the Mom. I think that is up there with the worst Mom moments ever. I’m glad I was just a witness!

  13. Hush, Charlotte

    Pooping in the tub is better than wetting the bed. Much easier to clean up.

  14. Actually, poo in the car seat takes the prize as the worst.

  15. Busy bee

    I think having four sons is ideal…my own golf team … What I always wanted. You are blessed
    Keep telling yourself that while you are washing sheets.:)

  16. Jenn

    I was working one day and got a call from my husband. He had/s a serious issue with poop and was calling to be totally grossed out that our son had done it in the tub…. when they were in it together. I was very sympathetic when on the phone but I must admit I laughed my bum off when I got off the phone. Parenting Lesson #324: Do not get into tub with little baby without swim diaper on said child!

  17. At least poo in the tub is honest -it says ‘Here I am, scoop me out!’ Pee in the tub-how would you even know it’s there?-very sneaky. The first time one of mine pooped in the bath I made the rookie mistake of pulling the plug. In my panic it clogged up the drain and was a nightmare to clean. Now I calmly scoop and carry on (depending on the solidness and unity of stool)! otherwise it’s scoop and shower!! Pee in the bed is bad but I can change child and bed pretty quickly now, flip mattress and have them back in before they properly wake. When we were 5 (now we are 7= 4 boys, 1 girl, 2 parents) we thought we could sleep just for one night in a 2 man tent. It was very cosy and I got up early and left the tent to stretch. Just after this my 3 year old did a waking pee in the bed/floor which flooded the whole tent and everyone (except me!) got wet! That was not a nice clean up-in a field, we didn’t have time to let the tent dry out so when we got home it stank! I have had a child eat it’s siblings poo and that was bad because I didn’t know whether to clean up the child that had pooped or the child that was eating or the floor to stop more eating and spreading. I’m just realising how much experience I have with this-lovely!

  18. Thanks for reminding me (as I am in the changing the toddlers bedsheets daily mode as well). I needed to remember to cherish him and this stage …his need to wear his dog costume every single day, his incessant sweet tooth asking for suckers every morning, his adorable little voice singing songs like Taylor Swift’s “We are never getting back together.” I love my daughter and 3 boys (2, 9, 11,14). I just needed to be reminded of it today. Thanks!

  19. CLW

    I sometimes cry because my girls are all grown up and have gauged their ears and have boyfriends they make out with and they don’t tell me everything and won’t let me do everything with them and they drive away to their houses. I wanted them to always stay with me, never grow up and for us to be happy together at home forever but that didn’t happen. That said, we still laugh together, scream and sing and sometimes read, together. They are not squishy but they let me hold them on my lap and we talk baby talk to each other (I NEVER spoke baby talk to them when they were little. At age two they were saying things like, “That is inappropriate behavior,” and “Santa is dead.”) and cry together and fight and love each other. But I miss that old time. I miss them standing near me in the kitchen while I made cookies and letting me kiss them over and over on their soft, round baby faces and comforting them when they are sick or have bad dreams. It’s all be wonderful. Even the super hard parts.
    You are all wrong. Snot is the worse. We can’t talk about it.

  20. Made me remember the first time in years that I changed a child’s bed because I WANTED to, not becaue I HAD to. Hug those Adorables close while you can. Mine are both over 6’4″ now. I can’t fit them into my arms anymore. But I still try.
    I miss your class.


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