1. Today while I was washing the dishes I had this thought: I am pregnant with forty two children. Then I thought: What if I really was. What if I had to make the announcement and I would be on TV and Cam and I would be crying and hugging? Would we? Not sure. Then I thought about what would happen if I shaved my head and when Cam got back from the library with the boys I acted like nothing was weird. What? What are you talking about? These are my thoughts all day. Big announcements and shaving my head.
2. I want to say that recently I’ve realized that everything is okay. No matter how I manage to do it, it’s fine. What I mean is, I think too often I compare myself to others or maybe I don’t even do that, but I compare myself to the person I think I should be. I should be doing this more, I should be writing that more, I should be wearing clothes more.
I worry about my kids. Are they happy? Do they have friends? Are they being bullied? Are they bullies?
I worry about my writing. Do I take enough time to write? Too much time? Is it worth it? Why isn’t more happening? And faster?! It should all be quicker!
I worry about our house. Why don’t I have cool paintings up? Why don’t stay on top of laundry like a normal person? Why does my room, no matter how hard I try, always pile up with clothes and toys and books and candy wrappers? Why do I eat so much candy? Why is there no good candy in the house right now?
I worry worry worry. Those are just the tip of the iceberg.
So, here’s what I’ve decided: To Stop. I am done with it. I am going to be enough. That’s my goal.
Who else wants to goal with me? You don’t have to. I will not feel badly if no one wants to because I am going to be enough.
3. Finally, these past few months I have been watching this show. Don’t watch it. It’s dumb. And it got canceled. And I WAS SO MAD AT THE ENDING. But secretly I loved it. Cam wouldn’t watch it with me because he is very picky and I am too but I still loved this show. There are many reasons why. Here’s one: it’s about a girl who is finally feeling like an adult. She finished med school! She has a job! Her own apartment! But then everything comes crashing down when she realizes she is the same person on the inside despite these grown up things that she had accomplished. I don’t know why I’m telling you this other than to say these two things:
A. I am a grown up but I feel like a kid on the inside.
B. I HATED the ending of this show. I already said this but I keep thinking about why I hated it. It also made me think about how I end my own books/stories. I wonder if I make people mad? I wonder if the writers of the show were right and made the most logical decision but my heart was somewhere else OR if I AM RIGHT!
Endings are so important because they are the last thing the reader remembers from their experience. It’s important not to tie a bow on it, but it’s also important not to leave things hanging and even more important to make sure the ending feels right in regards to what has come before. I am a big advocate of not only trying many different endings, but getting a lot a lot of help in choosing what is the best way to leave things off. With a novel, this is a big big deal.
Next week, I will post some endings that I loved and some maybe that I didn’t love so much. Does anyone have any examples of either of those right off the bat?
I think that’s all for now.