1. Today while I was washing the dishes I had this thought: I am pregnant with forty two children. Then I thought: What if I really was. What if I had to make the announcement and I would be on TV and Cam and I would be crying and hugging? Would we? Not sure. Then I thought about what would happen if I shaved my head and when Cam got back from the library with the boys I acted like nothing was weird. What? What are you talking about? These are my thoughts all day. Big announcements and shaving my head.
2. I want to say that recently I’ve realized that everything is okay. No matter how I manage to do it, it’s fine. What I mean is, I think too often I compare myself to others or maybe I don’t even do that, but I compare myself to the person I think I should be. I should be doing this more, I should be writing that more, I should be wearing clothes more.
I worry about my kids. Are they happy? Do they have friends? Are they being bullied? Are they bullies?
I worry about my writing. Do I take enough time to write? Too much time? Is it worth it? Why isn’t more happening? And faster?! It should all be quicker!
I worry about our house. Why don’t I have cool paintings up? Why don’t stay on top of laundry like a normal person? Why does my room, no matter how hard I try, always pile up with clothes and toys and books and candy wrappers? Why do I eat so much candy? Why is there no good candy in the house right now?
I worry worry worry. Those are just the tip of the iceberg.
So, here’s what I’ve decided: To Stop. I am done with it. I am going to be enough. That’s my goal.
Who else wants to goal with me? You don’t have to. I will not feel badly if no one wants to because I am going to be enough.
3. Finally, these past few months I have been watching this show. Don’t watch it. It’s dumb. And it got canceled. And I WAS SO MAD AT THE ENDING. But secretly I loved it. Cam wouldn’t watch it with me because he is very picky and I am too but I still loved this show. There are many reasons why. Here’s one: it’s about a girl who is finally feeling like an adult. She finished med school! She has a job! Her own apartment! But then everything comes crashing down when she realizes she is the same person on the inside despite these grown up things that she had accomplished. I don’t know why I’m telling you this other than to say these two things:
A. I am a grown up but I feel like a kid on the inside.
B. I HATED the ending of this show. I already said this but I keep thinking about why I hated it. It also made me think about how I end my own books/stories. I wonder if I make people mad? I wonder if the writers of the show were right and made the most logical decision but my heart was somewhere else OR if I AM RIGHT!
Endings are so important because they are the last thing the reader remembers from their experience. It’s important not to tie a bow on it, but it’s also important not to leave things hanging and even more important to make sure the ending feels right in regards to what has come before. I am a big advocate of not only trying many different endings, but getting a lot a lot of help in choosing what is the best way to leave things off. With a novel, this is a big big deal.
Next week, I will post some endings that I loved and some maybe that I didn’t love so much. Does anyone have any examples of either of those right off the bat?
I think that’s all for now.
Throwing Up Words 
Ooh. I am having a life crisis over the ending in my current WIP…all my readers have diff. opinions and I don’t know what to do or if/what to change. I would love to read some examples of good and bad.
I’m still working on it, Ilima. i’m curious what the opinions are and why. Maybe you can guest post and tell us more about it.
I love you, ANNDEECANNDEE. i love you because you are so normal. And so funny. And so normal in a funny way. And so funny in a normal way. I love that you think you are pregnant with 42 babies. I felt like I was a “ship in full sail” toward the end with both my pregnancies. I wish I’d thought it was just more children.
I’m also glad that you have decided you “are enough.” Because you are. You are probably even MORE than enough. But that is “enough,” even by your self-doubting, so much-more-than-adequate Self. Be proud of who you are. Because we all are!
I would llike to accept the challenge to “goal” with you: I am enough. Even though I have dozens of things I “must” do today, whatever I get done with be “enough.” Because I am tired. Because I am still recuperating. Because I am not, as I always fear, “inadequate.” Thank you, ANNDEECANNDEE:
I AM ENOUGH!
Thank you, Brenda. What kind, sweet words. And right, we are NOT inadequate.
My favorite part: would happen if I shaved my head and when Cam got back from the library with the boys I acted like nothing was weird.
Also, my mom always told us we were ‘nice enough,’ or ‘pretty enough,’ or ‘smart enough.’ And I like that. I don’t have to be the prettiest woman in the world (though, arguably, I might be :)), but I’m pretty enough for me. I’m smart enough for me.
I think you’re pretty enough, smart enough and funny enough for the rest of us. Don’t worry about all those other people. They’re smart enough for them, but not for you.
Ha ha. Love you Emily and so true. I think your mom is very very smart. Smart enough, I mean.
I will goal with you. But I have to do the other goal where I continue to complain and never do anything right and wonder if I have a bad something and that is why I never stop coughing.
But I will surely goal with you, Miss AdCd.
Okay, Carol. I”m going to hold you to it. Because you my dear, are definitely enough.
i will goal with you too and everyone else has responded so perfectly that i can’t say anything not already said. you are enough and you are loved.
Thanks Shar and same to you. Enough and loved. 🙂