Yesterday was my husband’s birthday. Actually one hour ago it was his birthday.

Today it is not.

I was up at five a.m. with a peeing-in-the-bed child and didn’t stop the whole day.

but I thought about blogging and I was going to blog and then I kept not blogging.

and then I just read Carol’s post which was so beautiful and said so much and what amazing daughters she has and I started thinking how bad I am at birthdays.

I got Cam beef jerky.

I tried to get him something better. I went to a store. Looked at shirts. I looked on etsy. I asked him so many times what do you want?

And then the day rolled around.

Gift-giving has never been something I’m good at and it makes me feel sad. I have so many friends and family who think hard and long and give the most tender gifts. Who reach out and just know.

Me? Not so much.

How do you read someone’s heart? How do you see what they need and then follow through and actually get it for them. And maybe it’s not a physical gift but it’s an emotional gift or a mental gift or a spiritual gift.

I think I can recognize pain in others. I don’t think I know how to alleviate pain in others.

I am starting to understand why our weaknesses are so varied and why they are so many and why they can hurt and also why they can keep us going as we try to get better. I want to get better at so many things. I also get tired thinking about trying to get better, let alone ACTUALLY trying.

But that’s what propels me.

Or stops me.

Or exhausts me.

Or gives me hope.

That I can get better.

That I can work on the things I want to work on and I can see change.

As for writing, I think it’s the same thing. Helping our character people overcome weaknesses. Helping them learn to change when it’s hard. Whether it’s big or small. When it matters and sometimes when it doesn’t to anyone but them.

I know giving gifts doesn’t have to be a big deal. Some might say, “Who cares? We all have our strengths.” But what if it matters to me? What if it matters to our character? Small things to some are big things to others.

Happy Birthday Carol and Cam.



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3 responses to “

  1. CLW

    Thank you, Ann Dee! I think beef jerky is a great gift.
    Did Cam like it?

  2. I’m a bad gift giver…sometimes…this year was a bad gift-giving year and I think it might be important to Phil. I let him down. Sometimes I just can’t come up to the mark. A lot of the time. Too bad that others are on the sad end. I must change.

    You, my dear, have such a full life that I hope you don’t feel bad for the beef jerky. I’ve been trying to find the Mormon video–that makes me cry–about motherhood. You are the perfect example of a good wife and mom.

  3. Thank you, Lynne. You always manage to make me feel better about life. So much. This is a perfect gift for me.

    And Carol, he DID like the beef jerky. It cost me like 11 dollars (!) so . . .


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