Depression

In the middle of the night I was awakened by Kyra calling. I missed the call and panicked. Had something happened to another daughter? What was going on?

It turns out everything was okay. She was home from a date and wanted to sleep over so she didn’t have to drive far to get home.

But I set myself up for another terrible night of pain.

These are happening more and more.

The bad dreams.

The fear.

The anxiety.

The sadness.

Waking up over and over. And over.

Wanting to cry, but not being able to.

And the worst part of all–not writing.

I’m not writing.

(If I force myself to write, will I feel better?)

Why do I feel so awful right now?

Is it the lack of sunshine?

Is it what’s going on at home?

Is it my job?

The lack of money?

The worry?

And I too tired?

I’m not sure.

But this week, I will try again.

To write.

Stay home and not go out except to work and help my mom and spend time with my children (if they visit) and maybe, maybe, maybe write.