Some assignments.

1. Today I was doing this fifteen minute workout and was about to pass out. My eight year old was timing me and my six year old was sitting nearby saying things like, “Why are you breathing so hard?” “Why is this hard for you?” “Is your leg supposed to go like that?” It was really rejuvenating. All writers should take time to exercise around kids. It really helps you get in the mood to write for children. Assignment: Do ten side plank oblique crunches with young really nice children looking on.

2. My two year old just ate a handful of kosher salt . . . and is going in for more. Next I’m going to hand him some lemons. Assignment: Give kids bad things to eat. Watch them. Write down a lyrical passage about their reaction.

3. I wish I had my own swimming pool. Assignment: Buy me a swimming pool.

4. I’ve been reading Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner. In five minute spurts.  I have decided to copy down passages word for word from his book. His writing is beautiful and one of the best ways to learn is through imitation. When you actually write down the words, you can feel the rhythm. You get a better sense of the sentence length, punctuation, description. Assignment: Find a great book. Something DIFFERENT from your style. Write down several passages word for word. Read them out loud.

5. My girl Valynne has her book launch tonight at the King’s English. Please go. Assignment: Go to the King’s English tonight.

6. Last week someone asked me when my baby was due while I was holding my six month baby. Although I know I look pregnant and normally this wouldn’t affect me so much–I’ve had five babies! Life is good! Belly fat is fine!, I just happened to be really tired and really run down and really emotional. I cried in the car. Assignment: Write about a time someone said something and made you feel sad and they realized they made you feel sad (the lady realized it) which made it even worse because then they felt bad and you felt like crying but you didn’t want to cry in front of them because then they’d feel worse and you’d have to keep saying, It’s okay! It’s okay! I’m fine. This is my cute baby. This is my body after my cute baby!

7. He just took another handful of salt. I’m a fabulous mother. Assignment: Eat a handful of salt.

I think that’s all the assignments for today. If you do them all, and I mean ALL, let me know and I’ll send you a prize. I want proof P.S.


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6 responses to “Some assignments.

  1. Christine Minch

    I hope the baby didn’t die. Eating straight salt will kill you.

    Chris Minch


  2. He’s alive. I exaggerated

  3. CLW

    Hahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahah!
    I sure needed to read something hilarious. Thank you.

  4. This is just what I needed today. So funny, so very funny. I must save this link for days when I’m in the dumpster (with my fat belly that produced 5 kids). My youngest is 26. Do you think I can hold her on my hip and give a nod toward her, when someone looks at my stomach and raises an eyebrow?

  5. Just died laughing.


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