Category Archives: Depression

Kyra Leigh, Queen Bee

I feel sad about Luann passing away, but I hope that there is a better place and that she’s there. Happy and reading amazing books.

I’m trying to look at the positives in my writing this week, and in life in general. Life is so short and so fragile, I can’t spend the rest of mine feeling sorry for myself.

So this week has been better.

I’ve been writing. I’m so close to the end of this book I can almost {almost!} see it. I’ll be happy to go on to rewrites, which usually are the hardest part for me. It’s weird that I’m actually looking forward to them.

This morning, I poached my first egg. It turned out okay, my second poached egg turned out perfect. Me and the boy I am sort of dating fought over the perfect egg. {I ended up giving it to him because I am trying to be happier and nicer. See? Look how good I’m doing}

I binged-watched one of my favorite shows last night, it’s called GIRLS and it’s about a writer who’s my age and is torn between life and writing and dating and blah blah blah. It’s such a good show. And parts of it feels so real. {And of course other parts don’t feel real at all. But that’s okay because it’s funny as hell.}

As much as my job pisses me off, I’m trying to look at the good in it. There are so many nice people that I work with {and maybe not so many nice customers. But that’s okay.} at least I’m making a little bit of income and that’s good. Hopefully enough so I can fix this not-so-great tattoo on my leg next month {iwishiwish} and actually buy groceries!

I’m just so happy to be surrounded by so many great people. Great authors. Great friends. Great books.

Every little bit of encouragement I get about my writing pushes me so much further. My agent wrote me a lovely email this week and made me smile and happy and gave me faith that I can DO this. Whether I sell a book this year, next year, or ten years from now, {i really freaking hope that isn’t the case…but still} I can DO this.

We can ALL do this!

3 Comments

Filed under Depression, Family, Kyra, Life, writing process

Kyra Leigh, Queen Bee

Struggle struggle struggle.

When did it become this hard? Has it always been? Between work, family issues, struggling with money, and having to move yet again, you’d think writing would brighten my day.
But not so much lately.

The first novel I ever wrote was my emotion right on the page. I was living under a cloud and somehow that book was written. It’s not a good book, but writing it made me happy. It made me feel something other than sad. It might the light crack through my dark and emotional cloud. It was my first novel. My first love.

My novel that my agent took me on for only took me a few months to write. Somehow it just happened. It was like I wasn’t writing it, but some new Kyra in my head appeared and wrote the story for me. I fell in love with my characters. And I even felt great about the story. {maybe not so much now}

This recent novel has been…such a bitch. It’s killing me. Yes, sometimes  when I get a good groove going I feel happy, and proud, and think maybe it is working.
But then I re-read and the worry and stress floods back into me and I decide I just suck. And that I’m not a real writer, but just a pretender.

Like my first novel I am stuck under a cloud, but unlike that first novel this cloud is a lot darker. And I’m struggling.
Where’s the sun ?

How do you get out?
How do you make it work?
How do you fall in love with your story, and your characters, and everything else?

Writing is hard.
I love it. But sometimes I don’t.

5 Comments

Filed under Depression, Kyra

Thank you and Three Thing Thursday

from Carol:

 

Thank you all for your kind words after Monday’s post.

 

from Brenda:

One of the much-published women in our critique group, the Wasatch Mountain Fiction Writers [WMFW], writes massive and highly-researched historicals.  She is amazing to me.  She writes every word of research by hand, often on legal-sized, yellow tablets.  She also writes her books out long hand before typing (or having them typed up).  Attempting to learn her secrets of organization, I asked her once how she finds specific bits of needed information as she composes her story.
“Oh, when I get to a point where I need a specific fact, it just pops into my head.”  She credited the having written it all by hand in the first place as the reason it “stuck”.
Tomorrow, Friday, Jan. 23, is supposed to “National Handwriting Day.”  I have seen this “day” credited to John Henry, for his bold (possibly myopic) signature.  And I’ve noted “National Writing Day,” as sponsored by the National Council of Teachers of English (NCTE), but listed as Oct. 20, and so recognized by the U. S. Senate, 2009 through at least 2012.
Personally, I liked my friend’s idea that writing “by hand” contributed to her retention of information.
Suppose we all try writing something by hand tomorrow?  Notice whether it helps cement ideas, facts, data in our minds.  Maybe that can work for us, too.
Let us know how you do, and what you learn.
from Cheryl:
There used to be something in my house called writing time.
There used to be something called reading time.
There used to be something known as showers.
There used to be something known as sleep.
A month ago, all of these things were replaced by a baby boy.
To say my life is unbalanced is an understatement. I’m either taking care of my son, my daughter, or sleeping in those rare moments when their naps coincide.
But I know it’s temporary. I know, because I’m still jotting down notes about how to fix sections of my novel. I’m still waking up with inspiration for new stories. I’m still managing to sneak in a few minutes here and there of reading, studying the newest and best of my genre.
I’m a mother, but I haven’t given up on being a writer. I’m behind on my writing, but I’m not done.
And neither are any of you. If you’re behind, it’s okay. We can do this.

1 Comment

Filed under CLW, Depression, three thing thursday

Depression

In the middle of the night I was awakened by Kyra calling. I missed the call and panicked. Had something happened to another daughter? What was going on?

It turns out everything was okay. She was home from a date and wanted to sleep over so she didn’t have to drive far to get home.

But I set myself up for another terrible night of pain.

These are happening more and more.

The bad dreams.

The fear.

The anxiety.

The sadness.

Waking up over and over. And over.

Wanting to cry, but not being able to.

And the worst part of all–not writing.

I’m not writing.

(If I force myself to write, will I feel better?)

Why do I feel so awful right now?

Is it the lack of sunshine?

Is it what’s going on at home?

Is it my job?

The lack of money?

The worry?

And I too tired?

I’m not sure.

But this week, I will try again.

To write.

Stay home and not go out except to work and help my mom and spend time with my children (if they visit) and maybe, maybe, maybe write.

 

 

18 Comments

Filed under CLW, Depression