Category Archives: Depression

Kyra Leigh, Queen Bee

Do you ever doubt yourself….

Do you ever doubt yourself as a WRITER?!

I do.

I have been.

A lot, actually.

But then I decided, why don’t I ponder the things that make me a writer? Not just a pretend writer, like I’ve been acting like I am for the last million years, but like a reallllll writer.

Okay. So pondering, pondering.

For one, I am broke. And not just broke. . . I am flat *bleeping* broke. And let’s be honest guys, most real writers are broke at least once or twice in their lives. {And most everyone else in the world as well. But forget that for a moment}

Insomnia. Isn’t that a writer thing? It’s totally a writer thing.

I have no ideas, yet I have a million ideas. Ideas that won’t shut up. And also ideas that freak me out, even though I know they need to get on the page. Eventually.

I have a few rejection letters {Finally!} and also….They are GOOD rejection letters. Holy crap, right? Totally real writer status.

I have a shit-ton to complain about. No, seriously. Writers complain. And that’s why we are amazing.

My favorite thing that makes me at least *feel* like a real writer is my amazing, wonderful, classy, great, fantastic, agent. We’ve only been best friends for a few months, but he already knows what to say to make me feel good. He knows what to say to make me feel like a writer.
I love him.

But I also love Mom and Ann Dee and her baby that I haven’t met yet, and I am still crossing my fingers is named KyraLeigh.

I also love all my writer friends. Even if you don’t do, or believe, all that crap I’ve written above, if you’re writing, you’re a real writer.

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Filed under Agents, Depression, Kyra, Life, Publication, writing process

It’s Spam Day Again

So the other day I was shopping online. I had a catalog for flowers and plants and bulbs. I love irises and I clicked on a beautil melon-ish colored iris to see the price. And you’re right. I couldn’t afford it.

However.

When I went to Facebook the next day, there on my page was the very ad I had perused.

I’m not kidding.

They’re watching us. Like always.

You can be tracked by your computer, phone and that chip you were implanted with.

This makes me wonder about all the emails that keep winding up in my spam. (And yes, I have to look through the spam box to make sure something from a friend didn’t wind up in there.)

Here’s a list of what I found after a few hours. And not a complete list, mind you:

Single and Sweet

Asian Hotties

Married Hall Pass

Want a One Night Stand?

Sexy Local Girls

Swing Community

No-Strings-Attached

A Secret Relationship

Sexy Latina at Your Service

Sexy Slutzzz

Naked Profiles

Big N Hard

Dog Food Coupon

I’m not sure if they want me to come work for them or not. Except for Big N Hard, of course.

My question is WHY.

Why Me?

I’ve been asking myself this since I was six months old.

Why me?

It’s even on my car tag: Y** ME*. And no, that’s not a joke. It’s the truth. I couldn’t believe when I saw it.

Here’s what I know–every day I fight against the Y ME. And many times I succumb.

I feel sorry for myself.

She has a movie deal for her book.

She has a series on TV.

He sold a billion copies.

His house is bigger.

No, I don’t want a One Night Stand.

I want to teach myself to be happy with what I have.

That’s a great thing to work on the week before my 108 birthday.

And in the month after.

Maybe it’s okay to spend ten dollars on a bulb if you get true joy from it?

Or to spend a year with a character because she makes you laugh?

Or to be thrilled that your daughter has an agent and your amazing blog partner is going to have a Baby Girl Named Carol?

It’s about attitude.

My new goals, Happier Attitude.

More Reading.

More Writing.

Happier Family Moments Because of Me.

Now, let’s see what happens on Facebook. Will Big N Hard be waiting for me?

 

 

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Filed under CLW, Depression, Life, Voice

Kyra Leigh, Queen Bee

I’ve been down in the dumpsters lately. I try not to dwell on the crappy stuff, but sometimes I can’t help it. But instead if complaining, I’m going to list up some great stuff that happened this week!
-I wrote. Something new. Could be crappy. Only time will tell. But at least I wrote.
-I read I’ll Give You the Sun. I know all ya’ll are gonna love that one. Glad I got an early copy of it.
-There was actually some good news given to me and Mom that I think might actually really help me.
-I had a brainstorming session with Mom. And we also had some amazing lunch. {not so amazing ice cream tho}
– I got to spend time with Nina. And during our time together. . . We got to see our favorite singer LADY GAGA together in concert. {blew my mind!!!!!}
– I feel some new voices in my head, and that is a good sign. Maybe I have more than one new writing idea.
-I’m happy to be alive.
Cheers!

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Filed under Depression, Family, Kyra

Some Days

are harder than others.

Today is one of those sad days because of past events.

And I have something wrong with me. I have a hard time crying when I am alone and need to. I want to cry, but cannot.

Why does your character cry?

Or why do they feel stopped up?

What are the hard parts of your character’s life?

Past the surface, what are the things that make her ache?

And how will you, the author, help them through it? Or will the character always mourn?

Today, I’m thinking of those who have loved and lost, for those who have lost someone they won’t see until the next life, and for those who have lost hope.

You are in my heart.

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Filed under CLW, Depression